Home For the Holidays
by penguinspy42
Summary: After the Doctor is late for River's first Christmas in Stormcage, he's determined to make it up to her.
1. Home for the Holidays

The Doctor leaned heavily against the inside of the TARDIS door, his shoulders sagging with disappointment. He wasn't sure why he had been so absolutely positive that River would be with Amy and Rory. True, it was Christmas, and they were family, but maybe she had no way to get there. No, that didn't make sense. Surely her older self, the one with the vortex manipulator, would know that her younger self wouldn't be there and would've been there herself. That would've been nice too, having his River for Christmas, the one he first met. She had that sensual mysterious feel that always intrigued him, and even now that he knew so much more about her, he was sure it would still be there.

He paused before entering the coordinates, rolling the idea over in his head that a later River would be fun to visit. But no, he promised that every Christmas he would visit her, and he couldn't miss her first after being placed in Stormcage. She'd never forgive him. Just as he was about to enter the appropriate coordinates, there was a flash behind him. He spun around to see River standing at the head of the stairs to the console platform.

"Hello sweetie."

"Hello! I was just going to see you," he beamed, his eyes flicking to the vortex manipulator on her wrist. "Well, an earlier you, I suppose."

"I know, my love," she replied, an urgent quality shot through her typically smooth voice, "but there's something you must know you before you go." She stepped close to him, studying his face seriously. "I forgive you. You are always and completely forgiven. No matter what I said then. I just needed time. That's the best gift you could have given me."

"Wha—"

"Shh," River interrupted, pressing a finger against his lips. "You'll find out soon enough. And please know that I _am_ sorry."

She smiled sadly at him then fidgeted with the cuff on her wrist. In a flash, she was gone. The Doctor continued to stare at the empty space she just occupied. He frowned, wondering exactly what would be waiting for him that River felt it was so important to come warn him beforehand. He absently finished entering the coordinates then sent the ship hurtling through time and space to find out.

As the Doctor exited the TARDIS, River was sitting on her bunk gazing up at the small barred window. Without turning to look at him, she mumbled, "You're late."

"Oh, am I?" he asked casually, ignorant of the dangerously cold tone of her voice. Retrieving his sonic from his coat pocket, he opened her cell and stepped inside. "Listen, I—"

"No, you listen!" River practically shouted, jumping from the bunk and rounding on the Doctor. "All this time, all alone, I've been thinking. I realized something. I'm here because of you. Because I killed you except for that teeny tiny minor detail that I didn't! How can I be locked up for a murder when the one I am supposed to have murdered is standing here in my cell? You promised me that I wouldn't be stuck in here, we would be together, have adventures. You promised Christmases and birthdays and glorious nights full of romance on fantastic planets. You promised you would love me. You came once. Once! And that's it. Do you know how long ago that was? Do you even care? Does it even matter to you that I was stuck in here all alone for my first Christmas?"

"Riv—"

"But you lie, don't you? You've admitted as much yourself. Rule one." The anger in River's eyes faded only to be replaced by disappointment, a look which the Doctor found to be even more painful to bear. "I suppose it's my fault for believing you like a bloody idiot. Tell me, what else have you lied about? Am I really your wife? You certainly don't act like it. What kind of husband leaves their wife in a hell hole like this while he is off gallivanting across all time and space without a care? What about Berlin, what you whispered to me? Did you lie then just to fool me into giving you my regenerations? You've taken _everything_ from me and what did I get? The world's shortest wedding to a robot in a timeline that doesn't even exist and a trail of broken promises in the timeline that does."

"River, I'm sor—"

"No!" she snapped, the rage returning instantly, engulfing her with a blaze of anger. "Don't you _dare_ say those words to me. Just...no. I will not forgive you. Not now, not ever." She flopped down on the bunk and rolled over to face the wall. "Just go."

He opened and closed his mouth several times, wringing his hands nervously before he finally turned his back and started to leave. Just as he reached the door of her cell, River's words shot after him, slicing painfully between his ribs like a razor-sharp dart, "Don't come back."

The Doctor grabbed a bar of her cell, steadying himself while straining to focus his mind on what older River told him in the TARDIS instead of the painful words younger River just said. She didn't mean that, he tried to assure himself. But that really didn't help much. With all the strength he could muster, he returned silently to the TARDIS.

Without giving himself a chance to think about where he was going or what he was doing, the Doctor sent the TARDIS into the vortex and slumped down in the jump seat next to the console. He sat there staring at the ceiling until the seconds stretched into hours, trying his hardest to not think about anything. When he allowed thoughts to creep in, all he heard were River's last words to him as he left her cell.

"Come now, Doctor," he mumbled to himself. "She came here to warn you so you wouldn't be doing this to yourself." He paused, thinking it over before reasoning, "No, she came here so you would know you have to go back. But how much time is enough? If I go back too soon, will it make everything worse?"

Sighing heavily, he considered the options. Maybe he should go back on a holiday just to prove he can hit a proper date. Periastron day? No, that was only observed in certain binary star systems and came with too many expectations. Best stick with Earth holidays since she seemed to still be observing that calendar. Valentine's day, then? Definitely not, that was too soon and also came with too many expectations. Maybe Easter? He sat up straight so quickly, he nearly fell off the seat. Easter was perfect, actually. It had chocolate and mysteriously appearing eggs and rabbits. What could be better than that? With a jovial clap, he leapt to his feet and set about putting his newly formed plan into action.

—

After arriving silently and invisibly back at Stormcage, the Doctor checked the scanner. It seemed to be the right date, and River looked like she was asleep. He tiptoed down the steps and out the door carrying a small basket containing a chocolate rabbit, creme eggs, jelly babies, and a note. Once he deposited the parcel just inside her cell, he returned to the TARDIS and waited for her to wake. For a brief moment, he toyed with the idea of using the TARDIS to nudge ahead a few hours but he decided he didn't want to risk missing her reaction.

The Doctor had lost track how long his eyes had been glued to the monitor when River finally sat up in her bunk. She stretched briefly then hunched over and held her head in her hands. He reached up to the monitor, running a finger along the weary slouch of her back, his hearts aching for her. He wanted to dash out of the TARDIS and scoop her up in his arms, never to let anything happen to her again. He clenched his fists, digging his fingernails into his palms. She was right—her whole life _was_ his fault. Every ounce of pain she ever endured was because of him. She deserved so much better, but it was way too late for that.

Movement on the scanner brought him out of his guilt-ridden thoughts. River stirred, looking first up toward the narrow barred window in her cell then back toward the small basket sitting on the floor. Rising cautiously, she approached the object. She lifted it by its handle then poked through the contents before removing the note. As she turned her back, the Doctor grabbed the monitor, rotating it as if that would allow him to see her reaction. Once she sat on the bed so he could see her in profile, the rivulets of tears flowing down her cheeks were quite evident.

His hand fell from the monitor as heavily as his hearts dropped in his chest. All these years and he still didn't understand women. He never quite figured out what to do when they were crying. Sometimes it was good, sometimes bad. It was so hard to tell the difference. Based on the way she was clenching the note with such force, he figured it must be one of the bad times.

"Too soon, I guess," the Doctor sighed. Just as he was about to turn off the monitor, he saw her reach under her mattress and retrieve a small blue object. He yanked the screen closer, trying to get a better look and knocked himself in his forehead in the process. He stumbled backwards a couple steps, rubbing at the sore spot, when River placed the object in her lap and turned it just enough so he could see it was her diary. His hearts soared at the sight of it and suddenly the pain vanished. River smoothed the note then pressed the paper against her lips before slipping it between the pages of her book.

The Doctor dashed down the stairs of the console platform, throwing open the door before he remembered he hadn't made the TARDIS visible again. River jumped from her bunk in surprise at his sudden appearance. They were in each other's arms before the Doctor even realized he opened the cell door.

"I thought I'd never see you again." River pressed her face into his shoulder, tears burning at the corner of her eyes. "I—I thought I had ruined everything."

"What?" He pulled back to look at her. "No! 'Course not! Haven't I told you? My middle name's Bad Penny. I'll keep turning up whether you want me to or not."

The slightest tug at her cheek suggested a smile threatened to spread for the briefest moment before she fell serious again. "Doctor, I'm sor—"

"Shh, no," he interrupted, pulling her close again and running a soothing hand over her curls. "You don't need to say it, you already did."

"What? When?"

"Well, spoilers, I suppose. But just know that you don't need to say it. I know you are. And I'm sorry too."

Suddenly, she was no longer aware of the rough cement and cold bars that had suffocated her for so long, only the warm healing solace of his arms. He held her tightly until time no longer mattered and every bit of tension from sadness drained from her body. It was a hug that permanently imprinted on her, something she would be able to close her eyes and feel forever more, no matter how happy or sad she was, or how fast she was running.

It was the Doctor who broke the hug first, smiling at her with a look of adoration and a deep-rooted love. "So!" He clapped his hands then rubbed them together. "I need to make up for some time. How about one of those fantastic planets promised? I know one where Christmas trees grow naturally. Which I suppose wouldn't be very impressive except that these produce delicious little fruits that look like ornaments. Shiny, sparkly ornaments, in all different shapes and colors and flavors! It'll make up for Christmas, too. How about that? You'd like that, I'd bet!"

"My love," she smiled through the tears, "as long as I'm with you, I'll be right at home."


	2. Periastron Day

The Doctor threw open the TARDIS doors to a snow-draped hillside dotted with what appeared to be hundreds of decorated Christmas trees. "Ah! Here we are! Right planet, right day, right everything! See? I _can_ get it right." His long green coat billowed out behind him as he spun to face River. He grinned, looking inordinately pleased with himself.

"Very nice." River zipped her creamy down-filled coat the TARDIS provided and stepped out, brushing past the Doctor. The snow crunched softly beneath her boots, rather more powdery than on Earth with the barest hint of a pearlescent sheen. "So what day is it?"

"Periastron day!" With a gesture toward the two glowing orbs hanging against a greenish sky, he started walking toward the tree line. "See, this is the planet I told you about where trees grow that look very much like Christmas trees and they produce fruit that resemble ornaments. Of course they aren't actually Christmas trees. Their holiday that most closely resembles Christmas doesn't involve trees at all. They hang strings of dried fruit around the doorways and all the children are visited by an elf with a duck bill and a beaver tail."

River stopped in her tracks, raising an eyebrow. "Their Santa Claus is a platypus?"

"Yes. No. Well, sort of, except he walks on two legs, lives in a little log cabin, and likes pies. Anyway, he leaves eggs in all the children's shoes; candy-filled for the good ones and rotten eggs for the bad ones. Which, really, I suppose sounds a _bit_ more like Easter because of the eggs, but there's a holiday where this long-eared fox creature leaves lovely sweet dumplings hidden about. Oh, another one I really love is the annual penguin migration when the skies are filled—"

"Doctor, what about Periastron day?"

"Right! Periastron day! Celebrated in some binary star systems like Valentine's day is on Earth. But I love this planet's version the most." As he came up on the first tree, he plucked a golden bell-shaped fruit from its boughs and held it up. "See, there's an energy that runs through everything, everywhere. These trees are able to pick up on that energy and translate it into various shapes and colors and flavors. But because of the light and the change in the gravitational pull as Periastron day nears, they produce an even wider variety of fruit than usual! So it's customary to find fruit that best suit those you care for the most and present it to them as a gift." With a grin, he took a big bite of the fruit. The smile slid rapidly off his face and was replaced by a look of repulsion. "Beans," he coughed. "Tastes like beans."

River watched as the Doctor dropped the remainder of his bell fruit and kicked it under the tree with the others that had fallen off. "If it's such a big holiday, why is there no one here?" she asked.

"Like Valentine's day, it's become heavily commercialized. Most just buy the fruit from stores or, if they want to try to be traditional, there are farms closer to the towns that they'll visit. These trees are wild, out in the middle of nowhere. No one would come out here just for Periastron day. Well, except for us." He grinned, sidling over to River and nudging her with his elbow.

"And you expect me to find one for you," she said, raising an eyebrow as the corners of her mouth turned upward in an amused smile.

The smile faded from his face and his eyes got big, almost puppyish. "Well, no, I mean—I just thought maybe we could walk and look and it's just so _Christmassy_ even if it isn't really then I'd try some fruit, and you could try some and maybe we'd find something that we liked, and—"

River's grin broadened the more he babbled on until she cut him off. "Oh, shut up. You know I'll find one for you."

"Okay!" He beamed, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "You go that way and I'll go this way. Then it'll be a surprise!" With that, he practically skipped off in the other direction.

River strolled along, marveling at the immense variety of fruit. There were some that were simply shapes, some based on items that most cultures seem to develop like books, and still others that she couldn't even tell what they were. But nothing jumped out at her as being for the Doctor. She kept going, stopping occasionally to ponder over what looked like a standard Earth screwdriver on one tree and a hat on another. The screwdriver wasn't entirely appropriate and she wasn't about to encourage his inexplicable love of hats that she was just starting to discover.

Just as she was wondering if she'd ever find anything appropriate she came across a stand of trees covered with small heart-shaped fruit. One in particular caught her eye; two hearts had just barely grown together, forming one fruit. "Two hearts," she whispered to herself. She walked around all the trees, scanning the fruit but only the one that had grown together in that way. The only one of its kind. This was it, the one for him, she decided as she picked the fruit and went to find the Doctor.

A familiar giggle floating on the breeze told her that the Doctor was nearby. She peeped around a tree to see the Doctor several meters away picking tiny fruit off a branch, occasionally popping one into his mouth. Though his eyes carried a jovial twinkle, hidden just behind was darkness, a part of him that he tried to keep cloaked and was more successful some times than others. The longer she knew him, the easier it was for her to see. In the beginning, the bad was all she saw, hammered into her head through repetitive training. Then Amy showed her the good, and only the good. But now she was learning there was a bit of both in him. It balanced him and made him whole and she loved him for it.

The Doctor glanced over in her direction, the happiness already on his face increasing exponentially. "Ri-er!" he murmured through a full mouth, holding up some tiny grey fruit about the size of quail eggs, "Dey dase ike cus-ard!" He turned back to the tree and started stuffing his pockets with more.

She laughed and walked over to him as he swallowed thickly. "Don't try those," he said pointing to the next tree over. "They look like bananas but they taste like apples."

River captured his pointing hand before he could busy it with collecting more fruit, and gently placed the dual heart in his palm. "I found this. It was the only one. The last of its kind, just like you."

He looked surprised at first, but then his expression softened and he smiled. "Oh, River, I'm not the last of my kind, not anymore." With that, he produced an identical fruit from his pocket—twin hearts— and placed it in her still open hand. She laughed; turning it over in her hand before raising her gaze to meet his, pinprick tears threatening to spill from the corners of her eyes.

"Happy tears?" he timidly asked.

"Happy tears," she confirmed.

They raised the fruit together as if in a toast, then each took a bite. River closed her eyes, letting the flavor wash over her. It was that of time, like the scent that lingered around the TARDIS after a trip through the vortex; sweet, spicy, and just a bit cool metallic. A slow heat flowed through her torso and limbs like a drizzle of warm cream. A low sound somewhere between a hum of appreciation and a moan of pleasure escaped her lips. Her eyes flew open to meet the Doctor's smiling gaze. She was drawn toward him, slipping her arms around his waist beneath his jacket as she stepped into him, nestling her head against his shoulder. She felt the pressure of a kiss on the top of her head, and smiled into his chest, wishing she could just stay there like that with him forever.

"Oh, it's almost sunset," he said, taking her hand as he broke the hug. "We can't miss that, it's my favorite part!"

"A dual sunset?" She asked, following him toward the tree line. "We could see that on any number of planets."

"Oh no, it's way more than that. Because of the chemical makeup, the snowflakes are almost like tiny prisms. Not really, but that's the best way to think of it. Anyway, when the stars set, the light catches the falling snow just so, and it's just—well, you'll see."

As the twin stars just kissed the horizon, the sky burst millions of tiny points of color swirling overhead as if an endless display of noiseless fireworks. The wind currents made the colors whirl and churn, dancing across the darkening sky in unique and complex patterns.

River smiled, leaning into the Doctor as she watched. "Gallifrey was in a binary star system. Did you have something like Periastron day?"

The Doctor tensed slightly and nodded.

"Did you have someone special you shared the day with?"

He was quiet for a long time, staring at the colors fading in the sky as the last of the light was swallowed by the horizon.

"All over now!" He clapped and strode purposefully toward the TARDIS. "Time to go! Have to get you back to Stormcage. How are people going to think I'm dead if they discover you're out with me?"

"But Doctor, wh—"

He stopped suddenly and turned, placing a hand on River's cheek. He smiled, but it didn't do anything to rid his eyes of the abysmal grief they now held. "Another night, okay?"

She opened her mouth to say something, but then just nodded. He nodded in return, bringing his other hand to rest on her cheek. The fog of sadness cleared from his eyes as he drew her into a kiss both filled with promise and longing for the future, and a desire to forget the painful past. He ran his hand over her curls as they parted, then continued on hand-in-hand with her to the TARDIS.

He paused as he opened the door and said, "I have you right now, and right now is all that matters."

River thought she couldn't agree with him more.


	3. Meditation Day

River was curled on her bunk in her cell, flipping the pages of her diary. It was the one luxury they allowed her; a solitary spot of color in a sea of grey. Not that they didn't try to take it; they did. But two guards had been knocked out, one curled on the floor wheezing in pain, and several life terms had been added to her sentence before they finally conceded and let her keep it. Even with that display, it still took some of the guards some time to realize she wasn't a curiosity or a source of entertainment. Now it well known that it was better to give her a wide berth. She could always tell the new guards because they didn't automatically move closer to the opposite wall when passing her cell.

Voices echoed from down the curved corridor, growing in volume and clarity as they moved closer. Two guards came into view, hugging the wall across from her cell, chatting as they made their rounds.

"Really? They have quakes every day on Cassolum?"

"Nearly all the time. Can't be much worse than the constant storms."

"I don't know, at least the storms don't affect us inside. You can't hide from a quake. Everything would have to be nailed down."

"Eh, wouldn't be so bad. Least my wife couldn't have those bloody figurines she loves so much. Awful things, they are."

As they continued out of view, River lowered her diary. A planet with earthquakes all the time. That would be different. Maybe even exciting. Besides, they had just installed a new lock on her cell and she was itching to try to crack it. This seemed like as good an excuse as any.

After she laid her diary on her bunk and moved silently to the bars, she made sure that the guards were out of sight and earshot. She knelt so that the black metal box was at eye level, capturing her tongue between her teeth as she examined it from every possible angle. It seemed fairly plain and unremarkable except for a small black roller on the front. As an experiment, she ran her finger across it and was greeted by a red light glowing from an inset screen she couldn't see from her perspective.

What she needed was a mirror, but the only one she had was attached securely to the wall. Glancing around her cell, her eyes came to rest on her diary. She grabbed it, opened it to a blank page, and held it close in front of the black box. After scanning her finger again, she could just make out the words shining backwards on the page, "Invalid Specimen." Specimen? What kind of—ah, a DNA lock! She'd figured they'd be getting around to a DNA lock sooner or later, so she retrieved a couple hairs with the roots still attached that she had obtained from the last guard overstepped his boundaries. She slid the hairs across the scanner and this time the light glowed green and the tumblers fell open with a musical clink.

"You boys are going to have to try harder than that if you want to hold River Song," she whispered smugly as she pushed the door to her cell open.

River edged down the hall, her back against the cold wall. She liked her walks, an activity that could hardly be accomplished properly in her cell, so trial and error had been her teachers when it came to the guard's patterns and the blind spots in the security monitors. She made it to the station well before the guards were due back around. Peeping in, she saw she was in luck. It was a young guard on duty. He had the latest true-sound nanospeakers in his ears—against regulation—and his nose in a holozine—also against regulation. As distracted as he was, it was almost too easy to slip in and sneak up behind him, tweaking that specific nerve in his neck that sent him into a slumber. She deftly lifted the guard's ID and teleport card as his head lolled against his chest as his reading material slipped to the floor. All that training may have been painful, but at least it was paying off.

Unfamiliar territory awaited her as she waved her newly obtained ID over the card reader on the door opposite the curved prison hall. She vaguely knew the way to the teleport room based on fragments of conversations and glimpses of emergency escape route maps. What she didn't know was the level of security that led up to it. Her muscles tensed and she was on high alert, moving stealthily and scanning the walls for the tiniest pin prick that could indicate a hidden camera or motion sensor. She turned left, right, then left again and found herself at the teleport room without meeting the slightest opposition.

It really had been too easy, she decided as she entered the empty teleport room. She adored a challenge and they had presented her with absolutely none. True, no one ever actually broke out of Stormcage, so she really had no reason to expect too many obstacles. But they really were going to have to try harder to keep her entertained for the next however many life sentences she had accumulated. Maybe she should start sending them memos with suggestions. She pondered that as she waved the teleport card over the sensor and entered her destination of Cassolum when the alarms finally shattered the otherwise relative silence. She snatched a homing bracelet off the console then jumped on to the pad. The last thing she saw before her vision faded into teleportation static were guards piling in the door, shocked looks upon their faces as she blew them a quick kiss.

The chaos that obscured her vision cleared and she found herself in an enormous room with an infinite deep blue dome arcing overhead. She blinked a couple times at the brilliant golden disc hanging almost directly above before she realized; she was outside. Had it really been that long that she forgot what it was like to not be surrounded by walls?

River shook her head and turned her attention to the homing bracelet. The guards were slow, but they would realize soon enough they could use it to track her. She used a fingernail to pry apart the halves then carefully studied the silicon nanowires and micro-circuitry within. The wires were so miniscule that they were really nothing more than a texture on the inside surface, so she knew she'd need a delicate touch to not strand herself. After she was sure which led to which, she was able to short out the landing coordinates while maintaining its homing abilities. Once she was satisfied she would not be receiving any unwelcome visitors, she reassembled the bracelet then took in her surroundings properly.

The landscape was barren, a flat expanse of rock broken only by jutting boulders, yawning chasms, and a road cutting through to a cluster of domed structures. To her right, towering translucent rocks jutted from the ground like rigid curtains, extruded by the pressure of the colliding plates. A line of several strange vehicles stood to her left, their wheels locked down by giant clamps anchored in a massive metal plate. Each was about the size of a large moving truck from Earth, but instead of an enclosed space at the back, it had an open metal frame housing complex machinery. As she moved around the side of the nearest vehicle, she saw a thick hose led from a large tank on a crossbar to a nozzle on rails, situated to allow it to move in any direction. The lower beams were spattered with two different materials; one that resembled concrete except for being slightly flexible, along with an opalescent polymer.

"Hmmm, mobile 3D printers," River mused, poking at the amalgamation coating the frame. "Efficient."

She returned to the road, noticing the slight give of its surface as she set foot on it, and followed it toward the nearby village. It was made up of all igloo-like structures, pearlescent in the noonday sun. Every single one was locked up; the doors closed, shades drawn, not a living soul in sight. But worst of all was the silence. She hated silence. Anything to break it, anything at all. Even fingernails on a chalkboard would be an improvement.

Frustration swelled within her. She picked up one of the many clear stones strewn across the ground and threw it with all her might. It bounced up the road in the distance, creating the most motion she'd seen since she got here. How could everything be so still when there were supposed to be quakes all the time? Not a stone had even wiggled. There hadn't even been a breeze! The guards were probably lying just to trick her into escaping so she'd be in trouble. Again. Or still, whichever. It didn't really matter anymore, really. With a muttered curse, she was just about to activate her return homing bracelet when a voice broke the stillness.

"Hello, dear."

River spun around. Standing there looking very smug as he leaned against his big blue box, was the one man she probably shouldn't be as surprised to see as she was. "Doctor? What are you doing here?"

"I intercepted a communication about a high security prisoner who escaped from Stormcage. Well, I say I intercepted it, but the TARDIS actually intercepted it. I just listened in."

"But there are other high security prisoners there, how could you know I was the one who escaped?"

"Well, you're the only one who ever escapes, aren't you?" he asked, pushing away from the TARDIS and sauntering toward her, the smirk still lingering. "Although they did seem a bit overly alarmed considering how often you do so, my bad, bad girl." He lifted his hand to touch her face she tensed involuntarily, as if he was about to hit her. Frowning slightly, he reached into his inner coat pocket and pulled out a small blue diary, its cover stained and worn. "Er, so where exactly are we? Have we done Jim the Fish?"

"Who is—Wait, is that my diary? What have you _done_ to it?"

"This is mine, where's yours?"

"Stormcage."

"No, but you always have—_oh_." His eyes widened and he looked at her like he just noticed her standing there. "This… this is early for you, isn't it? Very early. Have we done Bon? Sharalwa?"

She shook her head.

"Er—how about Periastron day?"

"Yes, just a couple weeks ago."

He stepped close to her and examined her eyes. "Look at you, how young you are." His hand hovered over her cheek for the briefest moment before he turned away. "So why this planet? Why today?"

"The thunderstorms get a bit dull after a while," she shrugged. "They're supposed to have quakes every day here. I thought it'd be exciting."

"Every day but one," the Doctor corrected, finally turning to face her. "You hit it on that one day."

She rolled her eyes. "Of course."

"It's Sahlutdeild. Roughly translated; Meditation day," he explained motioning for her to walk with him. "Legend says that the meditation of everyone on this one day actually prevents the quakes. Now, of course, they know that it's the position of the planet and the moons. But they still observe it as a quiet day at home with loved ones."

"What are they made of? These igloo things?" River asked, watching a subtle rainbow of colors glimmer across the surface of one of the domes as they passed.

"Plastic. Well, not really plastic, but a plasticy like material which really isn't very much plastic at all so don't think of it that way. Along with diamond dust."

"Diamonds? Isn't that expensive?"

"Oh, they're quite common here. Like quartz on Earth. Maybe even more so. Supply and demand works everywhere." He picked up a large clear stone and held it up to the light causing it to glitter wildly. "The whole planet was once covered in diamond sand, but it was swallowed up long ago by the chasms as the quakes got more violent. They still process the diamonds into dust, though, and it binds with the polymer to make an incredibly strong material." He smiled and handed the uncut diamond to River.

"I'm not really a jewelry sort of girl."

"Oh, I know," he said, gingerly taking her hand and placing the stone in her palm. "But you may find some use for that."

"Oh?"

"Spoilers," he replied with a wink. "Ah, here we are! Perfect spot!" With a clap, the Doctor skipped down stone steps into a natural amphitheater carved into the stone. River hovered with uncertainty at the precipice until he got to the bottom and waved her down with a grin.

By the time she reached him, the Doctor was sitting on the ground, his hands resting on his knees palms up. "Sit in front of me, but don't let your knees or feet touch mine. Your fingertips should brush mine, but only just."

River did as she was told, but her mind was overrun. Here was a Doctor who clearly had spent much more time with her than she had with him. Of course, it had always been that way for her. But she'd never come across him this late in his timeline. What have they done together? What would they have done today if she had been a River he was more familiar with? How long did they have together?

"Clear your mind." The Doctor's voice snapped her from her thoughts but did nothing to halt them.

"Easier said than done, _sweetie_."

She felt him tense ever so slightly at the acidity of the word. Something nagged at her, telling her it wasn't his fault, she shouldn't be short with him because someday she may be in his position. But the next words tumbled out before she could censor them. "This is a waste of time."

There was a long pause, then he said in a quiet, almost sad voice, "Time with you is never a waste."

The honesty his words held sent a calming pulse through her body followed immediately by a wave of guilt. "No, I didn't—I'm—"

"Shh," he whispered. "Close your eyes, clear your mind."

River's eyes slid shut and darkness enveloped her. A dim light flickered to life at the edge of her vision. As it grew, it drowned her thoughts, nearly blinding her. Physically, her eyes were still closed but in her mind, they opened. Blurred waves of gold flowed beneath her, as if she were a bird gliding over an alien sea. No, not flying, she was walking with her head down. The sea came into sharper focus, and though it still had an undulating texture, it lost some of its golden light and became more sandy beige.

Then the forward movement stopped, the image turned and her gaze lifted to see an astronaut.

A NASA astronaut on a beach. No, that's wrong. He wouldn't.

Her mouth moved, but it was the Doctor's voice she heard. "Hello. It's okay, I know it's you."

She didn't want to look. It would just confirm her fears, and no. It couldn't be. He wouldn't do that to her. But no matter how hard she willed it, her eyes wouldn't close. She was forced to helplessly watch as the astronaut's visor rose to reveal her terrified face staring back at her. It may as well have been a mirror, because she was sure it's how she must look outside this memory.

_No! No, no, no,_ she screamed over and over again until it resonated through her entire body. But all that came out, again in his excruciatingly calm voice, "Well then."

It was like being taken again, only worse because there was no relief, no tranquilizer to deaden the pain and the fear. The panic took over then. She was still ahold of herself enough that the blood pounding in her head obscured her sight and hearing to the point where it was all a blur until the first green flash of light.

She staggered backwards, trying to stay on her feet until the next flash knocked her to her knees. She rose, unable to tear her gaze from the golden tendrils flowing from overly large hands. She looked up the beach, and saw her older self holding Amy back along with Rory.

"I'm sorry."

The energy exploded within her, golden and intense. A green stain shot through the bright tendrils, and a shockwave knocked her to the ground, a vast dome of sky stretched out above her before her eyelids slid shut. The darkness brought glorious relief; an end to the torturous memory. But vibrations pounded against her back and panicked shouts dragged her back for more.

"River! River!" She wondered briefly if Amy knew yet that the woman she was pleading with to save her friend was actually her daughter.

Gunshots finally freed her mind from its meditative state. Her eyes flew open to see the Doctor sitting across from her, looking entirely too calm if a bit sad. She scrambled back away from him, still on the ground, not trusting her shaky legs to hold her weight. "Those were your memories! You made me do it, you'll make me watch it, and now you've made live it. How—how _could_ you?"

"River," he started gently, reaching timidly out to her. "You have to—"

"I have to what?" She shot back, ignoring the tears at the corners of her eyes and hugging her knees to her chest. "And don't give me that line about you forgiving me. I don't care about that. It doesn't help."

"This isn't about me forgiving you, there's nothing more for me to forgive." His voice was stronger, more urgent. "This is about you forgiving yourself."

She stared at him. Whatever she was expecting him to say, of all the possible off-the-wall excuses, it wasn't that.

"I didn't make you come," he continued. "The future you, I mean. I invited you. You may not realize what that particular invitation means right off. In fact, I'd say you most likely probably almost definitely don't remember at first. But the choice to accept any invitation of mine was—will be—yours."

"Of course it isn't my choice," she objected. "It wasn't my choice. It never will be my choice. I was there, I saw it."

"Time _can_ be rewritten. Some of it, anyway. I had to be there and the younger you had to be there, but the older you…" He shook his head.

River looked away from him. She hadn't realized how much she blamed herself until just then. It was like he ripped the cloth off the monster lurking in the corner and now she didn't know how to conquer it. True, she didn't kill him. He's living proof of that. But going through the motions, just the appearance of killing a loved one, was more agony than she could've ever expected.

A warm hand brushed a cool tear from her cheek and she turned to find him beside her. He draped his arm around her and ran a soothing hand over her hair and down her back. "There's one more thing, if you want to see it. I think—I think it may help. Might be a bit of a spoiler, but you know how I can be with rules. Plus, like I said, it could always change."

He held out his hand to her and she hesitated only a moment before she took it. Clearing her mind was easier, and soon she was draped in darkness, voices echoing as if far away but coming closer.

"Someone should say a few words," said a rough voice she didn't recognize.

There were some choked sobs that caused her chest to clench. Amy, probably.

"What can we say?" Rory's voice asked. "I mean, he's a time traveler. I suppose he could turn up again any moment ready to take us to some crazy planet made of yoghurt. But he can't do any more than he's done now, in his timeline. Can't help any more people. The universe, all of time will be a darker place without him."

Another choked sob from Amy, then a new voice—her voice—only more confident and stronger than she felt she currently sounded, especially given the circumstances. "I—May I have a moment?"

"Oh, of course."

Her older self brushed his hair off his forehead and placed a kiss there, her curls brushing against his face.

River felt her mouth—no, the Doctor's mouth, or the Teselecta's mouth really—move to silently form the words _I love you_.

Another kiss, then a whisper, "I love you too, my husband." Her hand ran over his bow tie before she rose.

Her eyes fluttered open and she looked toward the Doctor, who was watching her carefully.

"There may come a point where you ask me not to change a thing," he began. "I'm a selfish old fool and I want to ask the same of you. But ultimately, it _is_ up to you. No matter what you choose, I want you to know that to me, you will always be my wife. And I will always be there to catch you when you fall." He hesitantly brushed her cheek, but this time she leaned into the contact and he brightened considerably in just that instant.

"I'm really sorry," she sighed. "I shouldn't—"

"Shh, no. You came here expecting quakes and got nothing. It'd be like running for the ice cream truck to find there's no ice cream. Anyone would be a bit cross. Especially if the truck was supposed to have frozen fish custard. That's happened to me more than once, you know. Horrible thing, being deprived of frozen fish custard." He shook his head, looking at her with a sad puppy dog expression.

She had to laugh at that, swatting his arm. "You are a ridiculous man. You really are."

"Ah, there's my River," he said, smiling back at her.

"I'm not really though, am I?" she asked, dropping her gaze and fiddling with her homing bracelet. "You're used to an older me, and I'm not her. Not yet."

He spoke softly in reply, turning her head to face him so he could study her eyes. "'Course you are. You'll always be my River. Always."

"You'll always be my Doctor."

He pressed his lips together just a fraction and a brief wave of sadness crossed his eyes. "Well, we'll see about that." After a pause, he clapped and leapt to his feet. "So, how about a lift back? I'll drop you right at your doorstep. Cellstep? I know it won't be as fun as sneaking back on your own."

River took his hand as he offered it to her and he helped her up. "I think I'd like that," she replied, lacing her fingers through his and they strolled back to the TARDIS together, hand in hand.

After seeing her safely to her cell, the Doctor leaned one arm against the bars, grinning, and said, "You know, you can always call if you'd like an adventure. I'll take you anywhere you'd like. All of time and space, your choice."

"Hmm, will you actually answer your phone?" she asked, smirking slightly in return.

He grinned sheepishly and ran his fingers through his hair. "Ah, sometimes maybe probably."

The question had been running around in her head all afternoon. She knew what the answer would be, of course, but she decided to ask it anyway. "Did you ever come across me in my timeline when I knew you so much better than you knew me?"

"Of course. All part and parcel of our timey wimeyness."

"What was it like?"

He took a deep breath and answered, "Spoilers, I'm sorry."

River turned the response over in her head then asked, "Are you sorry for the spoilers, or sorry for what happens?"

"Yes."

She searched his eyes foolishly expecting a better answer but found only the briefest flicker of sadness and regret before the smile returned.

"Hey, don't look so worried. You'll see a me you're more familiar with right now soon enough. And trust me, you have a great time." He started to leave but she couldn't let him go, not yet.

"Doctor!"

Before she allowed herself to think about it, she strode to him, slid her hand around the back of his neck, and drew him into a kiss. He was hesitant at first, flailing briefly, but then his hands dropped automatically to her waist and he pulled her into him. His hands bit into her, pinching slightly, but _oh_ that felt good. Her mouth opened under his as she moaned lightly and he did the same in turn. As the kiss deepened, one of his hands slid from her waist up into her hair, fingers mingling in her curls, a thumb brushing against the shell of her ear. It felt like decades, maybe centuries, of kisses all in one and she hoped that was exactly what it was.

As they parted, she felt flushed and threw all caution to the wind. "Would…" she glanced over her shoulder at her bunk, "you like to stay?"

"I'd love to. Can't, though, not yet." He raised his hand, "Selfish old man here, remember? I won't risk changing a thing if I can help it."

"How do you know we don't?" she asked, still hopeful.

"Just do," he said with a regretful grin. "I probably should go now. You'll see me again soon."

Damn that man for being so selfish. "Where do we go?"

"Spoilers!" he replied with a wink as he moved back to the TARDIS. "You'll see. Make sure you have an appetite!"

"For what?"

"Spoilers again!" He ducked into the blue box, closing the door behind him and in moments it dematerialized from the corridor.

River stared at the spot the TARDIS disappeared from. She wondered where he was off to. Probably to find an older version of herself and shag her senseless. At least it was something to look forward to. Hopefully she had many things to look forward to with him yet. She took the diamond from her pocket and pressed it to her chest before she tucked it away in one of her hidden alcoves the guards didn't know about. Then she did what was rapidly becoming habit; she settled herself on her bunk, opened her diary and wrote.


End file.
